I have thought of writing this blog many times, but I did not know where to start. After years of chronic pain and illness, I am starting to find the answers I need with a functional medicine doctor, and have gathered the courage to actively pursue good health again. After my first panel of blood work (only 10 tubes of blood later) it seems that the levels of cortisol in my body are much higher than is healthy.
In case you are unfamiliar with what cortisol does to your body, it is a hormone that is released in excess when you are having a fight or flight reaction. Back when we were chased by sabertooth tigers, we needed that extra burst of energy and focus to make sure that we survived, but nowadays we sometimes still have the same reaction when some are going to take a test or are facing a challenge at work. Cortisol is really productive in moments of survival, but unfortunately when we experience high levels of cortisol in our bodies long term, it causes all kinds of horrible health issues like anxiety, depression, cardiovascular disease, stroke… early death. The high levels of cortisol in MY body are the result of being in an emotionally abusive relationship that culminated in rape. I also deal with regular symptoms of PTSD as a result of that trauma. As a result, I have come torealize that a large part of my physical health is tied into my emotional and mental well being.
As a woman of color, I come from generations of struggle and persistence. When I look to older women of color for comfort or inspiration on this journey to wellness, I often find that they have little to say other than to suggest that I do in fact have the strength to overcome challenge. They invoke the stories of other black women. "There are generations of women before you who were silenced and beaten at home by their husbands, and degraded and valued less at work. Who are you to break under the pressure that made you who you are?" When I sit down with any woman in my family, the heat released by the pain of their trauma could fly a hot air balloon. Being a woman of color is significant to my healing process in that I am learning to treat myself with a kindness and softness that black women before me have not been often afforded.
This is my story.
The slow exorcism of the poison in my past from my body and my mind, my struggle to find beauty and light in the process, and my progression towards better health.
